I managed to get into professional software development in my early thirties. My college track was for that, but took a severe detour after graduation. For me, a programming bootcamp helped me turn things around and get me my first job as a professional developer, though the ecosystem is a lot different now and I'm not sure how good even the best is. Highly recommend doing a lot of research before plonking down a chunk of change.

I also had my first kid at 39. It's hard, but management. A kid in your forties isn't unheard of at all, and you can absolutely meet a wonderful woman at any point in your life.

Strong agree on seeking therapy. You have a lot of options, but getting your head and heart in a good place will make the path a whole lot more evident and smooth.