As a mildly self-disciplined person myself, I really don’t understand why we need to be so fixated in becoming this mostly unattainable, predictable, hard to maintain, yet boring and repetitive super-version of ourselves.
The only thing that’s good for is to show off to others how undisciplined and bad they are.
Moreover atomic habits and all these “philosophies” are based on a profound misconception or rather a disingenuous marketing tenet—that your life is not “better” yet only because you haven’t followed this or that new improved step-by-step recipe for happiness.
Life is a messy dynamic system constantly veering towards instability. It’s better enjoyed in its complicatedness and unpredictability, not by living by a strictly structured code of conduit that will make you feel like shit when the aforementioned messiness will inevitably throw a wrench into your illusion of a well-oiled machine.
Personally, it’s not about becoming boring or unpredictable. I wanted to learn more about self-discipline because my life consisted of work, trash food, scroll phone and sleep. I am a lazy person by nature, and this is what my life becomes if I don’t discipline myself. It made me unhappy!
The book actually gave me some practical tips on how to stop living a life like that and actually do the things I want to do. Stuff like working up the courage and routine to go to the gym in the morning, or spend my evenings on practicing my favorite hobbies instead of scrolling the phone. Finally, some discipline!
If I’ve learnt anything about myself, it’s that I’ll read the book, get motivated, enjoy a period of improvement, fall off the horse and be back here scrolling HN in bed in a few weeks.
The best improvement I’ve found is to just simply stop caring. Then I’m more happy, then it’s easier to do the things that need to do. The things that don’t get done? Well, they just weren’t meant to be - oops. Maybe one day, but forcing it won’t help.
Atomic Habits is the only self-help book that actually stuck with me. Most of these books simply provide you with faux-epiphanies -- but James Clear in Atomic Habits not only provides concrete, actionable, steps he also supplies examples of his own use of these in his life.
Have you read Nir Eyal's "Indistractable"? Hopefully I'm getting my books right" but in that he talks about identity. That is, the power defining who / what you want to be indentified as / with. At the right moments, it's a powerful thought to have.
Yes this has been my experience of utilizing atomic habits. For me it was all about understanding the how and why of falling into or sustaining negative habits, as well as how the opposite is accomplished, and used this info to modify my most important habits- exercise, diet, and reading
I do get some of the OP blog poster’s anxieties about somehow optimizing every facet of one’s life using these techniques but I always approached atomic habits as making small but very meaningful changes over time and it’s been incredibly helpful for me
If you're overweight, unhealthy, do no physical activity and always tired because you go to bed too late, well, maybe a bit of good habits would be welcome.
I highly doubt that such a person is happier than the healthy fit one.
I get happiness from strict routines and become depressed when they get messed up, and yet you tell me the latter is better. Maybe it is for you but we are all different.
My partner needs routines and positive habits and stability to avoid depression, so I can absolutely relate. It's just the marketing of ready-to-use, one-size-fit-all recipes for happiness I was bickering about. ;)
For me it, the drive to be more disciplined stems from the fact that I live my life so compulsively and I want to experience more things in life that require discipline.
As an example, video games and mindless doomscrolling eat up an inordinate number of hours. Hours that are precious and could be used towards a goal that I would feel proud of experiencing or achieving.
> I really don’t understand why we need to be so fixated in becoming this mostly unattainable, predictable, hard to maintain, yet boring and repetitive super-version of ourselves.
it is because in the technological age, we have come to view ourselves as machines to optimize rather than humans with beautiful unpredictability, passion, intuition, creativity, not being hyper-productive, etc.
I'm not so sure it's the technology age per se, but instead a handful of people in this current age for whom "personal optimization" works well. They sell it. We buy it. And keep buying it even tho' it doesn't work all that well for the rest of us. False gods will do that to ya.
> Life is a messy dynamic system constantly veering towards instability. It’s better enjoyed in its complicatedness and unpredictability, not by living by a strictly structured code of conduit that will make you feel like shit when the aforementioned messiness will inevitably throw a wrench into your illusion of a well-oiled machine.
The whole idea of combatting nihilism is to overcome it. You do that by balancing chaos and order.
You are right that life is not "better" by trying to overcome. That there isn't a true recipe for happiness and thinking so is a fool's errand.
Nietzsche and John Stuart Mill had similar ideas that happiness is not the goal. But one feels happiness when resistance is being overcome. That happiness is not found, it is achieved.
I find that habits help tame the chaos. Habits are automatic actions and they are nice for doing things without worrying about them. My morning routine is such a habit that have gotten it done on really bad days. But still flexible enough that can change it while traveling.
I think the problem is that people want habits like “be productive” when should have multiple habits like “check todo list in morning”. They also try to pull off big things like “exercise daily” or “eat healthy” when should have steps as habits. There are also other tools to get organized; both of these could be calendar events. Todo lists are great for non-automatic things, I’m not going to completely remember my packing list.
> After becoming a father and undertaking a major rewrite at work, I had fallen off my ‘good habits’ wagon and was having a very tough time returning to my earlier state
This doesn’t sound like failure to me, it sounds like the normal consequences of your life becoming busier. Of course it is hard to resume those habits, especially if your life is still stressful and busy.
Maybe we should consider our own limits and be more accepting of why we might fall into bad habits. This obsession with balance and productivity does a lot of damage.
As a final point, everyone has a different tolerance for stress and productivity. But western morals assume all people are equal and any failing are thus a moral failure. This harms those of us who, through random environment + genetics have different strengths and weaknesses. Many ADHDers go through life thinking of themselves as shit people because they can never even get close to the moral standard of balance.
> the normal consequences of your life becoming busier
I embrace simplicity. The modern world has been designed in such a way that being busy is considered a badge of honor and we should be proud of our busyness. Being busy is a cult. And then there's the shadow work we all need to do behind the scenes like self-checkouts at supermarkets where we are not /paid/ to do that, but we do it anyway, along with many other examples I won't list out here.
I had a good streak going for a while with maintaining a good diet and exercise. Once you decide to take a break it's easy to stop though.
Recently I've had a project at work which is just enjoying and engrossing, so I'm "choosing" to be busy with it at all hours at the expensive of other "good" habits. (Spending long hours "in the zone", if you will). I take the motivating and energizing peaks at work when I can get them.
I found this audio book enjoyable and accessible. It's nothing earth-shattering, but it does shed some interesting light on the "busy" epidemic we feel surrounded by.
I’m with you in simplicity and the cult of being busy.
And I even personally prefer the social moment of a cashier to performing self-checkout.
But from the “simplicity” perspective, it’s actually pretty reasonable to tally and tender your own purchases. It’s the kind of simple practical task we probably benefit from making time for.
If someone were to help you, of course they should get paid, but it’s only a quirk of history that that’s been the default.
> It’s the kind of simple practical task we probably benefit from making time for.
I have this opinion about cooking, or walking the dog. Self-checkout I see as a missed opportunity for social interaction (or maybe not, considering the amount of times an employee comes over to unblock the system :)
> shadow work we all need to do behind the scenes like self-checkouts at supermarkets where we are not /paid/
that doesn’t strike me as a good example. i’ll take unpaid checkout at the supermarket over hunting or growing food or making chocolate or making wine myself every single time.
And to be fair, I didn't get paid to stand in line and make small talk with whoever decided to talk to me, just to get to the cashier and wait while they cater to me. Shopping almost always involves an amount of unpaid work.
I wouldn't use that analogy because being a father is wonderful and rush hour is a miserable slog. But it does have a way of pushing nonessential activities out, even if you'd ideally like to do them.
Sure, simplicity is great. At the same time, the comment was about parenting and how, once you have a couple extra mouths to feed at your table, experience shows, that ones life tends to become more occupied and thus busier. This is care work, not that bullshit busy work you are talking about. There is a difference.
Just wanted to thank you for writing this. I recently had a child and I thought with discipline I would be able to maintain my pre-parent lifestyle but reality is quite distant from the ideal goal. I am making small improvements each week so I'm grateful for that.
Maybe the author had to much pressure to build the habit back too quick, instead of slowly and being kind to themselves. They mention a lot of targets.
> After becoming a father and undertaking a major rewrite at work
You mention moral failure. Although the author mentions deep work, my suspicion is the rewrite at work is taking long hours. This assumes certain values too, where work is first.
> Here I am equipped with all the directions in the book, but I could not apply any of them
He could not do 1 min of meditation a day to build the habit? Or do one push up before showering?
From the blogpost I get the impression the author is prioritizing work and rationalizing it. At the same time, they are setting too ambitious targets in too many areas, instead of aiming for an incremental and sustainable habit.
Yeah I think this is a solid analysis of what is going wrong. While I disagree with the moral view of productivity, I do still think it is advisable and admirable to build up good habits.
I mean... I have no issue getting herb haha But, it doesn't really have that kind of effect on me... just kind of amplifies my anxieties that are produced by the constant frantic state I am in with my ADHD :-/
I apologise if my writing gave the impression that I was trying to do too much. I just wanted my sane life back - ability to do my duties without struggling a lot.
I don’t think it was your writing, I think your desire for sanity is fine :) but please be kind to yourself if you find it hard now you have a child to care for!
I think I was more incensed by skimming the introduction to Atomic Habits which is just the author boasting about themselves.
Maybe we should consider our own limits and be more accepting of why we might fall into bad habits. This obsession with balance and productivity does a lot of damage.
Bad habits for me is something to escape, not to accept. Not doing good habits directly impact quality of life.
Most all of us have been there, but there’s a lot of overhead cost to holding that attitude.
Even if you ultimately want to see your life optimized for “quality” (whatever that means!), the road to getting there sometimes involves being less self-reflective.
For many ambitious and high-key people, letting go and accepting themselves as they are is the untested hypothesis that’s actually been holding them back.
The book also mentions that people who had built a habit switched back to old habits under stress. It looks like author had this situation.
Multiple parallel things led to an overwhelming routine and he fell off the waggon.
Meditation helped hi. apply breaks and re think on every day decisions
The author of that book has been writing about behavior for years. And yet when I once sent him a picture of B. F. Skinner, he didn’t know who that was.
If you really think you need to optimize yourself, I’d recommend to skip the millennial bestseller lists and to closer to the source.
A few recommendations:
Self Help Without the Hype (R. Epstein)
Tiny Habits (BJ Fogg)
Self-Directed Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment (Watson/Tharp)
Don't Shoot the Dog (Pryor)
> And yet when I once sent him a picture of B. F. Skinner, he didn’t know who that was
I am familiar with Skinner and his work and I would also not recognize him from a photo. I also wouldn't recognize Freud, Jung, Pavlov, or Zimbardo from their pictures either. Am I missing something?
What does "am familiar" mean? You have heard "of" them, or you have read their work?
With Skinner, even if you just read a biography, I would imagine that it's hard that one would not want to Google more about his stuff... his "Baby In A Box" thing, pigeons playing ping-ping, 1960s learning machines, etc.. And there are several very interesting YouTube videos about these things, many originals from the 1950s-1980s. If one is even just mildly interested in learning more about the kind of behavior modification that Skinner popularized, it seems really odd to me how one could not look at the man himself.
Besides, there are photos in most biographies. [1]
I don't expect the person on the street to know who Skinner is. But if someone makes their living writing blog posts and books about Skinnerian ideas, I do expect them to have done their homework.
When I was interested in Jung, I actually went to Küsnacht. Even met his grandson. Watched all the video interviews with him that still exist. And I'm not a journalist at all. Just deeply curious when I encounter someone with ideas that interest me.
But perhaps that's exactly my point:
Being successful in writing and marketing books about behavior modification and actually modifying behavior are two completely different sets of skills.
OG Skinner one the one hand and these popular books based on his ideas on the other hand are, to me, polar opposites:
Skinner did the experiments and found the things that worked. But he was terrible at anything one could consider marketing or self-promotion. The Aircrib story is the best example. Good stuff; terrible packaging.
A book on today's bestseller list about behavior modification that's written by an author who, apparently, has never even read a biography of Skinner, or watched a single interview with him, is the very opposite. Great packaging; zero original work.
Skinner, to me, is Zero to One. Self-Help books repackaging his ideas are One to Many. It's totally fine that this second category exists. Yet if people struggle with the second category of material, I want to encourage them to go looking closer to the source.
Like in programming, where you may go from using someone else's paid API to using an open source library. It increases your understanding of the problem space, makes you feel more confident in your abilities, and, most important of all, makes you appreciate the work of all those that came before you.
[1] B.F. Skinner: A Life, by Daniel W. Bjork is amazing. I think it would be a fun read even to someone not interested in psychology per se, given the "hacker mindset", natural curiosity and "make do" mentality that Skinner exemplified.
> What does "am familiar" mean? You have heard "of" them, or you have read their work?
Somewhere in between. I read about his concepts from secondary sources. In college, as a part of a project, we built a crude conditioning chamber. The thing I remembered the most was that handling lab animals is difficult, especially if you're not trained to do it.
Which of Skinner's experiments have you tried to replicate?
> With Skinner, even if you just read a biography, I would imagine that it's hard that one would not want to Google more about his stuff.
I'm not a big fan of biographies. One of the few I enjoyed was Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman, but it's more of a collection of anecdotes. And even then I was more interested in the environment the stories took place in rather than Mr. Feynman himself. (As an aside, I'm going to read the biography you recommended.)
I'm more of a "separate art from the artist" kind of person. Or rather "ideas should stand on their own". Sure, I lose a lot of context by discarding the person behind it. But if it's necessary, then it means the original idea wasn't explained clearly enough.
Because you talked a lot about Skinner's photo, I looked it up. He looks unremarkable. I don't know what to make of it. If you show me his photo again in six months, I won't remember it. His ideas would be the same if he was bald, wore a monocle, had a beard, or if I've seen his picture taken 20 years earlier. It has no effect on his body of work.
We don't have photos of ancient philosophers. It doesn't make their ideas inferior or incomplete.
> Like in programming, where you may go from using someone else's paid API to using an open source library. It increases your understanding of the problem space, makes you feel more confident in your abilities, and, most important of all, makes you appreciate the work of all those that came before you.
I haven't thought about it, but it sounds reasonable. It still doesn't push me to learn about their personal lives or find their photos.
There are people in my life that I'm interested about on a personal level. My family. My friends. My neighbors. They are important to me. I'm happy to see their photos.
> A book on today's bestseller list about behavior modification that's written by an author who, apparently, has never even read a biography of Skinner, or watched a single interview with him, is the very opposite. Great packaging; zero original work.
> Skinner, to me, is Zero to One. Self-Help books repackaging his ideas are One to Many. It's totally fine that this second category exists. Yet if people struggle with the second category of material, I want to encourage them to go looking closer to the source.
This is interesting and it's worth exploring. You seem knowledgeable about it. Have you thought about writing more about this gap? Perhaps even bridging it yourself. It would do a lot of service to the OGs of the field.
That is the mainstream view. I know. And yet books like Atomic Habits rank way up there in the bestseller lists.
Skinner is probably the most underestimated figure in 20th century science. His ideas are generating billions in value to this day. And yet the sentiment most people hold about him is the one you just shared.
I’m on my phone and can’t go into details. But the whole aspect of gamification - in games, social media, TikTok, productivity apps, learning apps - is very much OG Skinner. And ChatGPT reinforcement learning? Behaviorism applied to virtual agents.
Is there any way to get the first book in e-book format? I only see options to buy a used physical copy, and international shipments to my country are... untrustworthy, at best.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but the this post almost perfectly describes the sort of horrible, addicted, easily distracted and habit-driven state I seem to have lapsed into. So I’ll definitely try what the author suggests and see if it helps.
I tried so hard to make Atomic Habits work for me. It was helpful, but I found also it really helpful to realize places where it doesn't work for me and I can get a lot of benefit from leaning into a lack of consistency.
I found that the missing piece for me was simply being kinder to myself when I slip up on some habit. Like, I tell myself "chill out - so you didn't go to the gym today. You're set back by one day. Just try it tomorrow." Maybe it's similar to your leaning into lack of consistency.
Previously I was so hard on myself when I made mistakes or wasn't up to my own (very high) standards, that I would quit after a while because it was a horrible experience.
Now, no matter how many mistakes I make, I don't beat myself up about it and I keep trying the next day. And I am seeing that not only am I getting more things done, but I am actually enjoying life more day-to-day, which is the ultimate goal imo.
>I found that the missing piece for me was simply being kinder to myself when I slip up on some habit. Like, I tell myself "chill out - so you didn't go to the gym today. You're set back by one day. Just try it tomorrow." Maybe it's similar to your leaning into lack of consistency.
I totally get what you are talking about too. Sometimes I remind myself: "If it's something that is worth doing, it's still worth doing badly (Or inconsistently)."
Meditation has changed me profoundly as well. I started with 2 minutes and now I do at least 1 hour everyday. It actually all started with weed. From there to yoga, then meditation, then shrooms and finally spirituality and Nondualism. I not in control of anything anymore; that delusion has gone away. This journey of self discovery is turning out to be the greatest adventure of my life.
I can't even recognise the person I was 4 years ago. I've left that person far behind.
Real life never produces perfect examples. If consumption of psycho active substances in her/his life is unhealthy and dependent then I would also question any conclusions about that journey. But as far as the comment goes she/he doesn't provide any information on that. For many people drugs are entry point to deeper reflection and there is nothing wrong about that especially if one leaves the drugs behind at some point.
Changing habits have become an insurmountable task. In my 20s and early 30s I'd go on diets, start going to the gym, learn a new language, work on side projects. Since having a child I'm just struggling getting enough sleep and keeping the apartment clean, there's no energy left for reinventing myself or changing habits... It also becomes harder and harder to start something because from experience I know I'll eventually fall off the wagon. Hopefully it gets better once kids are more self sufficient...
In the ruthless monetisation of all things, it feels capitalism has done to our behaviour/thoughts/habits what it has done to any other resource - how can I maximise financial output from this thing at the cost of something else?
Battery farming and animal welfare.
Public transport and social mobility.
Processed food and nutritional value.
The human mind is just the next frontier where the battle to make everything you do something that is “valuable” where value = economic output.
I’m stressed because I’ve been in that place for too long. I started the year reading James Clear’s book only to immediately follow up with 4000 Weeks as the antidote.
Atomic habits are great if you want to push the boundaries of human achievement. The big realisation for me (and perhaps many of us) is “I’m not trying to do that”.
All the good books on performance, habits, marginal gains reference all the contexts where pushing boundaries is the normal state - Formula 1 pit crews working together to minimise time, Southwest Airlines and their 20min turn arounds, the British Cycling team and the pursuit of TdF/Olympic success.
My personal belief is we’re inviting in a dangerous logic to one of the few remaining bastions of our humanity. Float. Be free. Don’t force your mind to do something it cannot or does not want to do. Sure there’s a balance, but there is a threshold beyond which you’re deviating from your natural wants and wishes which equates to stress. Too much of that and you’re going to have a bad time.
Atomic Habits gives the illusion that changing habits is easy and will change your life - that's why the book probably sells. But it's BS like most marketing and stories.
Changing habits will change your life, but you need to learn the process and know yourself. You learn the best when you fail, but that's when people give up trying. The whole idea of habit formation is that it sucks to do something different and new... Until it's not new anymore.
The author certainly did the most biggest mistake: Too much, too fast. => Focus only on Meditation. Bingo!
One habit at the time, build the habit as slowly as possible. Everyone can do it. But they... Just don't.
Disclosure: Founder of Habinator Health Coach app.
> After becoming a father and undertaking a major rewrite at work, I had fallen off my ‘good habits’ wagon and was having a very tough time returning to my earlier state.
Becoming a father makes you have to practice discipline everyday. You don't get time to just waste time like you used to. You have to schedule it.
While Atomic Habits is a good book and best seller for a reason, the change we go through as individuals is much more telling of successful sticking habits.
Atomic Habits just makes you a little more aware which can also be done through any awareness practice (meditation, journaling, reading, etc).
> After that, I never bothered to track any of them.
After a certain point, your habits become...habit. You don't need to track them. That's because you're constantly aware of them and you've outgrown habit formation books.
I wrote an adjacent piece about what happens when your life operating system receives a breaking change like having kids:
Great post. I feel like I've gone through a similar cycle, but I've found that journaling rather then meditation was what I was drawn to. Sitting down and writing about what I'm worried about and what my priorities are has proven to be a great balancing force in my life. Though I'm still not doing it too regularly, I notice quite a lot of mental clarity after a short session.
So much of what you said resonated with me. I did try meditation, and it was very helpful. Many have the opinion that meditation is something mysterious and that it is hard to get what it means, but IMO, they should keep trying. Like any muscle, our brain needs training. Once you start seeing that you have control over your thoughts, I think you will "get it."
This works sometimes, but sometimes meditation brings up a lot of underlying problems, both mental and physical. That is good if you have the time and energy to deal with them, but if you don't it can complicate your life. Specially when you live in a society where meditation is not an engrained part of it, so you have no social structure that tells you which meditation experts are good and which are scams.
For me it brought up that I'm carrying a lot of tension and knots in the back and shoulders, which is a good thing to realise, but during meditation it would build up a lot of "pressure" or "tension" on my head, which according to some traditions is "bad". According to other traditions you just "power through" with more meditation. I have explored different things but reduced how much I meditate for now.
I think it's a great book for average people. I read it and found it to be a basic breakdown greatly simplified.
> That's when I realised it wasn't working quite as well as it had the first time.
This is exactly what the book is great at. From the discussions I've been a part of, the book did a great job of really breaking down and creating a system for folks to achieve things.
The author did note that the books' success is part of the rise of the industry its a part of and that's one thing I think a lot of people who discuss this book (for good or bad) overlook. Whatever the ROI has been for the book will always be individually contextual.
Just ask ChatGPT, it said "mental stimulation" is a bad habit:
Mental stimulation refers to engaging in activities that challenge the brain and promote cognitive function. It can involve a wide range of activities that are intellectually stimulating and require active mental engagement. Some examples of mental stimulation include:
- Learning a new skill or language
- Playing brain games, such as Sudoku or crossword puzzles
- Reading books, newspapers, or magazines
- Engaging in creative activities, such as painting or writing
- Participating in educational programs or classes
- Solving problems and puzzles
- Engaging in debates or discussions
- Playing musical instruments or listening to music
- Learning a new sport or physical activity
- Traveling to new places and experiencing different cultures
The author says meditation is the solution and describes the effects it had on him. However, I didn't quite get the why (even if I ignore the how) - why did it work for him and will it work the same way for others? Besides, meditation itself is a habit and one that is the easiest to ignore as it doesn't bring immediate benefits (lacks instant gratification). This was great writing but for me it lacked the scientific rigor. It's great that it worked for the author. Kudos for that!
I inferred that meditation helped them to understand surface thoughts vs deep thoughts as generally surface thoughts are loud, immediate and what create bad habits.
By being able to discard those during meditation, they were able to work on deep thoughts and make enough time for those instead of getting occupied by the unnecessary(bad) habits.
> Besides, meditation itself is a habit and one that is the easiest to ignore as it doesn't bring immediate benefits (lacks instant gratification)
But thats the crux of building good habits, one needs to teach themselves to not run for instant gratification. Precisely, this article. Atomic Habits try to teach that you to by various habit building techniques in the book. It teaches you how to harness this instant gratification idea to build good habits slowly yet in a way that appeals that part of your brain.
The author is trying to refute this exact thing, that these all work for a while until it all comes crashing down and it becomes really difficult to break away from bad habits.
In my experience in order to build or break a habit you must be able to tie the action to its immediate results. It can be placebo but in your mind that association must settle in.
Meditation for a lot of people creates a state of calm afterwords. Mainly if you breathe at a lower that 6 breaths per minute.
The calmness likely leads to better decisions and helps that way.
It looked like the author has been overwhelmed with stresses of life. Meditation helped to apply breaks and steer the wheel.
One completely free iOS app that I found to be helpful is Mindfulness Coach, developed by the US department of veteran affairs. It was made to help veterans and service members with PTSD. It offers a collection of timed, very minimal, very easy to follow guided mindfulness sessions.
I just can't shake off the feeling that all those "be productive" techniques are nothing else than means to force oneself to do something one don't want at all. Human psyche will take a serious tall on these activities, even if one have a positive reinforcement system well set around them.
Life is often to a large part about doing sth you don't want at all but you simply have to do or face consequences which are harsher than those somethings. Or surprisingly not that bad at all and you come to realize your model of life was lacking. Either way - no technique designed for becoming more disciplined will help you distinguish between what is worth doing or not. I put all my eggs into the meditation basket. Meditation makes me less anxious, my mind clearer and more focused. All those qualities help me understand better what I want and need and then act upon it even if doing so is uncomfortable.
Regarding the WhatsApp point: I recently archived all chats except the one with my gf. Now I don't get notifications but can opt-in to read stuff if I want.
The term missing in this story, although described between the lines almost perfectly, as I see it, is willpower. There's a book about it with the same title.
One is practice in managing thoughts and feelings. If you just sit and breathe, you'll begin to notice how much the mind wanders, how much thoughts randomly arise and pinball around your head. Meditation gives you a lot of practice in not getting caught up in that.
The other is what I think of as self-instrumentation. As with any sort of performance tuning or debugging, the foundation is paying attention to what's actually going on. Meditation has greatly increased my ability to introspect, which helps me solve a lot of things that in the past were mysteries to me.
Is there any theory of why meditation is beneficial? I guess most meditation could be described as "minimizing verbal thoughts". Why is minimizing thoughts better than maximizing them for instance?
Is there any theory of how meditation offers evolutionary benefits?
Meditation isn't really about minimizing thoughts. You can't stop thoughts from arising, its just something that your brain does. Meditation is more about training yourself to not attach to those thoughts, to let them go. And that has huge benefits - a lot of the stress and suffering in life we experience in life is due to becoming attached to our thoughts.
The book Mindfulness in Plain English is a great introduction to mediation if you are curious.
When you say to no attach to those thoughts, do you mean all of them? Cause I've felt detached with what's going on in my mind several times before, and they've been as unproductive as when I'm overwhelmed with thoughts, even if it is more peaceful.
In my view detachment is different than the nonattachment you get from sustained meditation practice. Detachment often comes from trauma, illness, or unhealthily extreme circumstance (e.g., being tired or drunk or high). Nonattachment is about behavioral freedom: instead of being compelled by thoughts that trigger particularly urgent feelings, you get to decide which threads to pursue.
That said, reading about meditation is never going to get you a full understanding of it, any more than reading cookbooks will give you an understanding of a cuisine you've never eaten.
> reading about meditation is never going to get you a full understanding
Right. And do you really even need a whole book to explain how to do meditation?
Can it not be explained in one paragraph?
Is it even as complicated as a recipe in a cookbook with many steps and ingredients?
How many steps and subtasks and ingredients are there to do meditation?
Now I would be interested in seeing a book that explains some rational as to why a given meditation technique does some good to you. I believe it does, but don't know why. Therefore could it be like placebo?
I would argue that, yes, you do in fact need either a book or a teacher. Meditation practices and traditions didn't spontaneously develop in a vacuum, they were created in the context of spiritual traditions such as Buddhism. Non-attachment and no-self are very difficult concepts, but they are the aim of meditation! Without a good teacher (or at least, a good book), meditation can lead to some dark places.
Edit: Of course you are correct that the actual technique is very simple and can be explained in a few sentences. But there is much more to it than that - how do you process the results? That's what you need a book/teacher/help for.
You sound like somebody who has not spent a lot of time meditating. Maybe try it before opining further?
You need many books to explain how to do meditation, because people vary widely and it's a complex set of skills with subtle goals. However, reading a thousand books is not sufficient to understand it, any more than reading all the books about bicycles can make you able to ride a bike.
There is a lot of nuance to this and if you are really curious, you should check out Mindfulness in Plain English... you can find it free online.
But, a quick, short answer - meditation is like going to the gym for your brain. In meditation, you practice detaching from thoughts. A practical example: Let's say you have a rocky relationship with your boss or a colleague. Maybe they say something you perceive as a slight while grabbing a coffee in the morning. Instead of fixating on it all day and letting it disturb your work, you just let it go. Not attaching to our thoughts doesn't mean we can't focus very hard on things - in fact, letting your negative thoughts go is what is going to allow you to focus hard on your work the rest of the day!
(Also, there are many types of meditation, this is just one form of meditation... again, lots of nuance here that is hard to get across in this format.)
This is exactly my experience as well, but there is a problem though. Most of people in the world just don't have a luxury I have - take a walk with my dog in the woods any moment I want. Most of people in the world don't have a luxury to switch environments in the way I have. Meditation is useful for people living in noisy (in all possible ways) environments they can't escape.
When we start, I think the name "meditation" is misleading.
It's what we have left when we feel overwhelmed. Sit and breathe. It's interesting to try to do something so simple, so complicated.
Most people I know consider me a “disciplined” person. I’m a fitness junkie who has very rarely missed a workout in the last 10 years. I maintain a not-as-strict-as-I’d-like-but-seemingly-better-than-most diet. I prioritize habits that help me or that I enjoy like sleep and reading. There are days I do not want to. There are days when I am tempted. There are days when I am depressed, busy, etc. Things get in the way. I am not perfect, and do not claim to be.
That said, what helps me with adherence, and I know this will sound overly simplistic and un-helpful, is I just do the things. I have a friend who is also into fitness, and we agree that the most important workouts to do are the ones you don’t want to do. They build the discipline to do things you don’t want to in the moment, in order to satisfy your higher, long term goals. And we agree that the best way to do those workouts is to…do them. Go put on some gym clothes and get to the gym, and your mind and body will hardly argue with you that it doesn’t want to work out anymore.
Some of the ability to do that, I expect, comes from the fact that I am an “all or nothing” person. I don’t do moderation well. I do well when I can do something with all my intensity. For instance, when dieting, I find it much easier to adhere to an incredibly strict and mundane diet than to try to enjoy my food.
This ties into the idea of having and/or making the circumstances in which one can be disciplined. There is an excellent post here [0] that discusses what we need psychologically in order to actually do things. Stress, other priorities, distractions, etc., all impede our capabilities. For the author of this blog post, they found that meditation cleared their mind and that is what enabled them to lower their stress and return to better habits. They also discuss 16:8 IF, which I also do and find to be a huge boost to my focus (I joke that eating is my kryptonite). I also find having a rigorous schedule helps me; the activities I (in my mind) “have” to do, e.g. work out, work, etc., are not optional: they’re built in. I do not know why these techniques work, and there are many others which do as well. I hypothesize that these little and easy “mini habits” or tweaks to one’s way of living facilitate accomplishing goals.
As an aside, discipline is an area that I want to work on in my life! There are a few books I’d like to read. One is Discipline Equals Freedom. I think the incredibly hard headed military guys (see also David Goggins) are the ones closer to the right track (or at least what makes sense to me) than the sciencey types who theorycraft infinite nudges to encourage people who “want” to be disciplined to be disciplined. I am no fan of Nike, but “just do it” really resonates with me.
