> unless you want to anthropomorphise your db and and hold it accountable for past behaviour
No one is holding the literal bits that make up the database executable accountable here, they are indicating they don't trust the devs of MySQL/MariaDB to do a good job. Whether or not that is an accurate view on their part is arguable, but it's pretty clear from context that they don't think that several if/else statements had it out for them.
