Notch, if you're reading this, my deepest sympathy. I understand the devastation of losing a parent; I lost my mother about a year ago. I'm still not "back to normal" and don't know if I ever will be.
I used to do art, music, and comedy, and even practiced my religion, often just for her. I loved to make her laugh and it was so easy to make her proud. In the past year, I have done none of that stuff and don't know when or if I ever will.
Programming is one of the few things I've ever done that I never did just to say, "Hey Ma! Look what I did!" She never understood it. So in the past year, it's one of the few things I've been able to do. I've written a ton of code and taken great comfort it in.
I won't even attempt to give advice; none of the advice I've received from well-intentioned others in the past year has been helpful. I just hope you, me, and others like us find comfort in the wonderful memories of beloved parents and find a way to move on with our lives.
My mom passed away when I was 10, 14 years ago now (she was 37, brain aneurism, even if the docs had known nothing could have been done to prevent it), and I know that it affected me, and it has affected what I do. What is considered normal though? After 14 years I still miss her, I still think about her, and even-though I am not religious and logically I know she is no longer here, and can't feel or see the things I do, I do hope she is proud of me.
In all honesty there really is no "normal", you attempt to go on with your life, the reminders become less and less yet at times you will look at something and instantly have a flash back.
I wish you the best of luck, losing anyone close is terrible, so far I've been incredibly lucky that I still have my grandparents on both side of the family, and my dad, and my three younger siblings, and that we've all shared the same experience makes it easier to slowly attempt to move on.
As someone dealing with my parents' shift into their "older years" and wondering about the future, I found myself quite moved by this. Thank you for sharing it.
I for one, salute you for having the awareness to know that snippets of advice won't help and having such a thoughtful response. I often feel like the stock advice given in these situations just makes me feel worse.
I used to do art, music, and comedy, and even practiced my religion, often just for her. I loved to make her laugh and it was so easy to make her proud. In the past year, I have done none of that stuff and don't know when or if I ever will.
Programming is one of the few things I've ever done that I never did just to say, "Hey Ma! Look what I did!" She never understood it. So in the past year, it's one of the few things I've been able to do. I've written a ton of code and taken great comfort it in.
I won't even attempt to give advice; none of the advice I've received from well-intentioned others in the past year has been helpful. I just hope you, me, and others like us find comfort in the wonderful memories of beloved parents and find a way to move on with our lives.
More about my mother here: http://edweissman.com/betty-weissman-1930-2011