"It's totally possible to be enlightened by a bad trip, rather than traumatised."
One of the most enlightening experiences of my life was a horrendously frightening trip on salvia divinorum. I took it by tincture. I later learned that I'd done a much bigger dose than I'd thought I had. Anyhow, the experience was akin to madness. I felt detached. I lapsed into fugue state. I saw, heard, and "felt" things. Above all else, I maintained just enough lucidity to retain meta-cognition: I was sane enough to know that I'd become crazy. That is an awful feeling. I thought I was losing my mind, and that I'd never return to normalcy.
Well, ridiculous as it sounds, the idea of becoming permanently schizophrenic frightened me into a very deep, very fast-paced analysis of my life to date. With whatever scrap of sanity I had left, I scrawled down my hopes, my dreams, and my goals for the future. Goals I'd need my wits about me in order to achieve. Some of these goals I'd had for years, and I'd made virtually no progress towards them. In this brief period of paranoia -- this fear of never again being able to pursue my dreams -- I strengthened my resolve to try.
Oh, and I also wrote a bunch of sappy, ridiculous emails to all of my closest friends. They still pull those emails out, from time to time, for shits and giggles. They're pretty loopy. And yet, there's a real heart and honesty to them.
I'm glad I had the experience. I'll never do it again, though. (I've tried other psychedelics, fwiw, but this was my only honest-to-goodness "bad trip").
One of the most enlightening experiences of my life was a horrendously frightening trip on salvia divinorum. I took it by tincture. I later learned that I'd done a much bigger dose than I'd thought I had. Anyhow, the experience was akin to madness. I felt detached. I lapsed into fugue state. I saw, heard, and "felt" things. Above all else, I maintained just enough lucidity to retain meta-cognition: I was sane enough to know that I'd become crazy. That is an awful feeling. I thought I was losing my mind, and that I'd never return to normalcy.
Well, ridiculous as it sounds, the idea of becoming permanently schizophrenic frightened me into a very deep, very fast-paced analysis of my life to date. With whatever scrap of sanity I had left, I scrawled down my hopes, my dreams, and my goals for the future. Goals I'd need my wits about me in order to achieve. Some of these goals I'd had for years, and I'd made virtually no progress towards them. In this brief period of paranoia -- this fear of never again being able to pursue my dreams -- I strengthened my resolve to try.
Oh, and I also wrote a bunch of sappy, ridiculous emails to all of my closest friends. They still pull those emails out, from time to time, for shits and giggles. They're pretty loopy. And yet, there's a real heart and honesty to them.
I'm glad I had the experience. I'll never do it again, though. (I've tried other psychedelics, fwiw, but this was my only honest-to-goodness "bad trip").